Emotional control

From the moment we can walk, we are taught to control our emotions.  Society likes us to act and respond in safe and predictable ways. Show too much emotion and we become ridiculed, too little and we’re considered cold and inhuman. On Wednesday I am giving a speech in Brussels on an emotional topic and I sincerely hope that I can do it while staying in control.  But how can I be sure?

The answer is ‘Emotional discipline’. The great pianist Alfred Brendel once said that the difference between an amateur and a professional pianist is emotional control. He believes that the professional knows how to balance their intellect with just the right amount of emotion; too much and it becomes sentimental and slushy, too little and it becomes dry and uninteresting.

Standing up in front of a crowd and talking on a personal topic is never easy but I have learned that it becomes easier if the speech is pre-written and well-rehearsed. But what if you are like me and prefer to improvise rather than read from a script, what then?

The beauty of improvisation is that you can connect with your audience in your own words in an honest and natural way, adapting and embellishing as the mood fits. When you do it well, the audience is not just listening, they are deeply concentrated and connected; feeding back their energy to you. In this scenario you are skating on the thin layer of ice that separates intellect from emotion and it can be very dangerous indeed. This is why going to a live concert is so much more powerful than just watching the DVD at home, you feel and believe that anything can happen.

In the work place, our emotions are expected to always be under control but sometimes I wish that we could share them a little more. I am not advocating a box of Kleenex in every room and regular group hug sessions, God forbid, but I believe that by keeping them in a tightly shut box we can never really understand just how important a person feels about a specific topic or what they are going through inside. Some say this is good but I am not always so sure.

So, as I go off to prepare for Wednesday, here’s a video that I think sums up what I am most scared of, letting the power of the moment overcome me…

Halle Berry at the Oscar’s

Enjoy!

Have a nice week,

Harley

Written by

Harley Lovegrove

Harley is a dynamic 'we can do this' kind of person with a successful track record of working for a wide variety of companies in all kinds of sectors. From very small family run businesses right through to giant multi-nationals. Over the last thirty five years Harley has built a reputation for inspiring those around him to rout out and tackle the core problems facing their organizations. Armed with a wide range of pragmatic tools that he has developed over the years, Harley is able to help his clients bring about long-term, sustainable solutions, while having fun at the same time. Harley is a motivational 'people person' who is nonetheless tough on efficiency and delivery. Apart from being well known for his highly entertaining and motivational speeches, Harley is also a blogger and author of four books; 'The Change Manager's Handbook', 'Transition', 'Inspirational Leadership’ and ‘Making a Difference’.

2 responses

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  1. W Willem -
    Hi Harvey, Nice piece. I think often people are scared of "emotions" because they mix up the ability to modulate one's emotion (such as in your example of the amateur vs professional pianist), with the actual emotions which exist in a person. Our emotions are like a mirror. They reflect our life experiences and also the degree to which we have integrated them. So a person with high emotional integration can allow him/herself to be emotionally open without scaring people, whereas a person with low emotional integration behaving very openly can be quite unsettling. I think we can all relate to this - just think of a type where you "over reacted" emotionally to someone who "pushed your buttons"…. here was an instance low integration. Some people have this only in certain areas, others more generally. So I would say that emotional control is a plan B, you live a better quality life if you can integrate your own life experiences into an authentic you. You'll do just fine Wednesday - enjoy it! Best, Willem
  2. A Harley A -
    Dear Willem, as you know, I do not normally reply to comments but I just wanted to say a big 'thank you' for this comment. It was well thought through and was extremely relevant. And, by the way, the book launch went very well and yes I did keep control of my emotions, although it was tough at times! Thanks again, Harley

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